**   Kev On P.I.   **

          Miss Kitty Proudly Presents :

Ladies Here U Go, As I Promised!

Ladies OOOHH Ladies Doesn't He Just Look So Delious,

and Yummy and

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(LOL sure does).

So For Now Ladies Enjoy These and Snack On A Kevy Wolfpac For Dinner.!

Transcript Is Also Here To.

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September 9th, 1999

Guests on this program were: Elayne Boosler Kevin Nash Melanie Bysouth Dr. Elliott Katz

Bill's Opening [ Cheers and applause ] Bill: God love them. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'm glad you're all here. I was worried that you might get here -- you know, today is what they call the dreaded nines. Do you know that? It's 9/9/99. That stuff is spooky to me. September 9th, 1999 it's all nines today. Who cares. [ Laughter ] Well, they thought this was going to be a premiere of the Y2K problems because nines traditionally make computers break down. There were some glitches. Cash machines screwed up. They showed balances in the millions. And the Backstreet Boys ended up with 15,000 minutes of fame. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Please, folks. Now, as of tonight, President Clinton is on his way to New Zealand. He is there for an Asian conference. As of tonight, he is the most traveled President ever. He has gone to more countries and more places. And in 2000, they say, he may continue his streak. He may go to Antarctica and get this, Vietnam. He may travel to Vietnam. The hookers there are already practicing. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] They're practicing saying, "Me have inappropriate relationship long time."

[ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Now, also tonight was the MTV video music awards. Now, it was very different. They had it at the Metropolitan Opera House this year. And they had all the stars dressed as different opera characters. Janet Jackson was Cleopatra. Kid Rock was Julius Caesar. I'm not kidding. David Bowie was Mephistopheles, and there was a special cameo appearance by Monica Lewinsky as "Madam Buttonfly." [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] And finally, it was reported today that the first film about viagra will be released in early October. I know, isn't that funny? It's from France, where they consider viagra a miracle drug. In fact, they're considering shipping viagra to the cathedrals to see if they can straighten out the hunchbacks.

[ Laughter ] Anyway, ladies and gentlemen -- [ Applause ] Panel Discussion Bill: Please meet our panel. Our citizen panelist lives right here in L.A. and watches us on KABC -- Melanie Bysouth. Melanie. [ Cheers and applause ] Hey. Thank you for coming by. He is a veterinarian and founder and President of In Defense of Animals -- Dr. Elliott Katz. Doctor. [ Cheers and applause ] Thank you doctor. Elliot: Pleasure to meet you.

Bill: WCW fans, you know him as The Outsider, instigator of the New World Order and soul of The Wolfpack. Now he's the world heavyweight champion, "Big Sexy" is in the house -- Kevin Nash. [ Cheers and applause ] Hello, Mr. Nash, how are you? And finally, she'll be at New York's West 79th street Basement Cafe next Thursday benefiting floral, the off-leash playground project -- our pal, Elayne Boosler. [ Cheers and applause ]

Hey, you. Elayne: You're Big Sexy. Bill: Thank you. Yeah, exactly. Elayne: You are. Bill: Thank you, Elayne. Okay. Let's talk about animals. Because, you know, you're an animal lover, I'm an animal lover. And, Doc, you are the man. You wrote the books. Okay.

Kevin: And I'm considered an animal. Bill: What's that? And you're considered -- [ Laughter ] Because you see, he's a -- Elayne: Isn't that great news, Mel? Melanie: That is a compliment.

That is a compliment. Bill: But I bet you're not going to agree with everything that Doc has to say because even I don't, Doc. I have to tell you there's no bigger animal lover than me. But I think when you go too far out there, you lose the mainstream.

There are people like us -- wait a second -- who have in our hearts this love of animals, that is beyond our love of humans. Most people are not like that. You want to change. You say we shouldn't even call it a pet owner. You say we should call it an animal guardian. Okay, Doc, that stuff loses people. [ Laughter ]

I hate to tell ya. But the mainstream just thinks we're nuts then. And we're not. We just know animals are better than people. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ]

Elliott: The starting point is that we need to treat animals not just as property and things. And if I think of myself as a guardian of the animal rather than its owner, I'm treating that animal with more respect, more dignity and -- Bill: But Doc, the truth is we are going to own them. I mean, they can't be on their own. They don't have jobs. [ Laughter ]

Elliott: We want to treat them just similar to what -- how we would treat a child. Bill: Right. Elliot: When I adopt, or you adopt a child, you become that child's legal guardian. You're responsible for it.

Kevin: But you purchase a pet. Elliott: I don't. I rescue, and I adopt them. I do not purchase them.

Kevin: Well, thousands of people across the country do, though. Elayne: I was cesarean when I had my boxer. [ Laughter ] Elliott: Let me say, when you go out -- Bill: Yes. Elliott: When you purchase a dog --

Kevin: Right. Elliott: What you're doing is turning your back on the thousands and thousands of dogs that are going to be killed in shelters every year. Instead of purchasing, I would ask you to --

Bill: Doc, I agree with that. But that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about whether you own the animals. And animals not being as smart as we are. Nicer, but not as smart. Okay? [ Laughter ]

I think we can all agree on that. Elayne: To take it to a level that you're saying, they've done myriad studies that show that serial killings start out mainly --

I mean like 90% of them -- by torturing animals as children. Bill: Right. Elayne: So anything that educates people to at least think of them as living, worthwhile beings is a good thing. Ownership, that's a hard sell. But people need to know that animals are not just for having sex with. Oops.

[ Laughter ] [ Applause ] I'm so sorry! Bill: But come on. If you're half asleep in the morning, and he starts licking you, you know, you just go with it.

Kevin: That's abuse. [ Laughter ]

Melanie: But I think a person who is inclined to be abusive to an animal, a person who is inclined to not be a good caretaker of an animal, if they call themselves a guardian, it will not change their mentality. I've considered myself --

I've been an animal rights activists since I was 12 years old. I've owned cats that have got the most amazing loving care. It doesn't matter that I call myself a cat owner. It matters how I treat my animals. Elliott: When I was a -- [ Applause ] Bill: A good owner is better than a bad guardian.

Elliott: But if people start thinking of themselves as guardians, they have a responsibility, they're looking at -- Bill: But they won't. Elliott: They will. Bill: He eats three steaks a day, he's not going to think of himself as a guardian. Elliott: He will.

Kevin: I'm saying, it's just what you are to the child. If you have a child, you're its legal guardian. If your kid turns 13 years old, and it talks back to you, you don't take it and get it put to sleep?..

Elliott: Exactly.

Kevin: You have that option with an animal. Elliott: Exactly. You shouldn't have that option. [ Laughter ]

Kevin: I'm saying you do have that option. Elayne: Wow. You are a tough guy. [ Applause ]

Bill: Listen, I'm saying you're in the right profession.

[ Laughter ] You shouldn't have that option to put it to sleep. That's what I'm saying, you should be a responsible owner. Kevin: I'm saying you do have that option.

Bill: Would you put to sleep a retarded child?

Kevin: Absolutely not. I'm saying you have that option in our society. I'm not saying that that's my point. Elliott: You have that option because animals are just thought of as property. When I was practicing as a veterinarian, people, unbelievably -- people would bring their dogs or cats in to me and say, it's messing up my floor. Please kill it.

Elayne: Yeah, it's just horrible. Elliott: It's shedding too much, please kill it. It's barking too much, please kill it. I would say "No, no, I'm not going to." But sometimes they would have a broken leg and they would say, "It's going to cost me $50, put it down. I can go get another one." Melanie: But people are not going to change because the law requires them -- but it doesn't -- [ Talking over each other ] Elayne: -- That you can become a better person. Melanie: There are people that refer to themselves as their pet's mom or their pet's dad. And those people --

Elayne: What do you think they call Hell's Angels if they were just cute bike guys? You know, nobody would be afraid. Melanie: It is not going to change people's mentality. People who don't care about animals just because they have to go to the veterinarian's office and say that they are the guardians. Elayne: Because they don't even try. I've never owned a dog. My dogs owned me.

Bill: No. We're saying try. But we're saying it's not going to change by calling it something else. Elayne: You're so negative, God! [ Laughter ] Bill: No. I'm not negative. I'm realistic. I want to win over the people who don't have in their hearts to love that you and you and you and I have. Elayne: Well, then let's call the dogs diet aids. Bill: Let's just call them dogs, but treat them better. Kevin: Shouldn't there be a program then -- if you're going to adopt a child, you just don't just walk in and say, "Okay, I'll take that one." Bill: Sure you do. That's exactly what they do. Elliott: Yeah. Bill: What do you think they do?

Kevin: There's a process behind it. Bill: What do you think the kid auditions for you? [ Laughter ]

Kevin: Well, I'm saying there's a process behind it. You can't walk in one day and say, "I want that kid," and he leaves with you.

Bill: Right. Elliot:,. That's the same with an animal. If there is some kind of awareness where you at least do a screening with that person. Bill: They do. You go into the pound -- I remember going to the pound and picking out -- [ Talking over each other ] We'll get back to you.

Kevin: I'm talking about a pet store. Bill: Oh, a pet store is a nightmare. Elliott: The pet stores are fronts for the puppy mills where the conditions are horrible. And you said you didn't want to get into that, but this is part of, if you think of animals as individuals with their own needs and you have a commitment. Bill: Doc, all I know is they don't listen to commercials and they can't buy products. [ Laughter ]

We have to take a break, and we'll come right back. [ Applause ] Announcer: Join us tomorrow for our "Real World" show, when our guests will be Teck, Amaya, Matt and Colin. [ Cheers and applause ]

Bill: All right. We were talking about what responsibility man has for animals. But let's talk about what responsibility we have for each other. Because when we have our citizen panelist on, we like to get to something that is near and dear to their hearts. And Melanie, I understand you believe --

I think this is a great thing to be airing -- that men who have children out of wedlock should bear no responsibility for that, because women are, basically you said, the gatekeepers of sexuality. Melanie: Right. Bill: And it should all be on them. Melanie: Definitely. [ Light applause ]

Bill: One applause for that. I love that. [ Laughter ] One brave guy. Elayne: The lonely man out there. Melanie: I think that men have no legal say in whether or not a woman keeps a child. That is something that -- Bill: Yes, true. Melanie: That is something that we'll never change.

Women are the ones who have to get pregnant. Women are the ones who have to make the choice of keeping the pregnancy. They're the ones who have to raise the child. Elliott: And I think that's wrong to begin with. Melanie:

But -- [ Applause ] Bill: Wait, wait, wait. Let her -- Melanie: In a perfect society, men would step up. They would care for the child. They would pay for the child. They would be there for baseball games and take their children to do things.

But that's not what's going on. Elliott: That's what you can strive for though. Melanie: But that is the point of it, that women need to realize what a great responsibility they need to take.

I'm sick and tired of the attitude of, "He got me pregnant." No, you chose to engage in activity where you knew the risks involved, and you got pregnant. [ Cheers and applause ] Bill: Right on!

Kevin: Well, my only question is -- Bill: I love these citizens. You see, they're not afraid to say what they --

Kevin: I just wanna say, what are you doing after the show? [ Laughter ] Bill: Yeah, you got the big sexy interested.

[ Laughter ] [ Females scream ]

Kevin: Liberated and sassy. Bill: Right. They usually have very small --

Elayne: Did you get hit in the face by a group recently.

[ Laughter ]

Kevin: Nope, never. [ Laughter ] Elayne: All right. I distracted him when he said that. [ Talking over each other ]

Kevin: You like to think that. It makes you feel better about yourself, you wouldn't want to know the truth. You can't handle the truth! [ Laughter ] [ Applause ]

Bill: Panel? Elayne: I'm so distracted. [ Laughter ] I have no idea what we're talking about. I don't care what we're talking about. Bill: What she is saying is that men should bear no responsibility. Elayne: Well, they don't. So you got your perfect world. [ Laughter ] Bill: That's not true.

Kevin: I don't think so. I think that if you're going to bring a human being into the world, there's a responsibility whether you're a male or female. I mean, It's a human being, it can't -- [ Applause ]

Elayne: Okay, then what are you doing this weekend? Kevin: What am I doing? Bill: But wait.

Kevin: I have a red eye out tonight. But we've got plenty of time. [ Laughter ]

Bill: Okay. Don't get your tights in a bunch. But look, women are the variable in the sexual equation. We are the constant. We always want it, and we'll always take it.

[ Laughter ] So you guys are the ones who are saying -- Elayne: Hey, you're not just speaking for yourself. Bill: I'm not just speaking for myself. Elayne: All right, just checking. Bill: In fact, I'm not speaking for myself. I'm a little elevated from that. [ Laughter ]

Elayne: Really? Bill: Shut up. [ Laughter ] Elayne: Bill. Okay. The reason I'm not arguing -- Bill: Yes. Elayne: Is because it's so wrong, I don't know where to start. Bill: What do you mean it's so wrong? Elayne:

I respectfully, completely disagree with you. The reason women have the control over whether they get pregnant or not is because male scientists have spent the last decades and decades and decades only developing birth control for women so men don't have to feel that they have a responsibility. [ Applause ]

Melanie: Right. But there is birth control for men. There is birth control for men. There's a condom.

Elayne: And they don't use it. You believe a guy who says he had a vasectomy? How old are you, 9? [ Crowd oohs ] Melanie: No. It has nothing to do with that. Bill: Right. Melanie: There are so many women that will say,

"Well, he really didn't want to use a condom, and I felt kind of bad making him do it. So we did it without it and I got pregnant.

" Elayne: And sometimes you just get pregnant. And that's what happens. Melanie: Yes, that is -- Bill: And it is always preventable.

Melanie: It is not fair. Elayne: It is not always preventable. Melanie: There are accidents that happen. They're women who get pregnant on the pill. There are women who get pregnant using two or three different forms of birth control. Elayne: And what about the men who want a child, and then after the child is born, they go back and hang with their friends.

Bill: Okay. 99% of the time, it's preventable if the woman decides it's preventable. Elayne: Are you anti-choice or pro-choice. Melanie: I am pro-choice. Bill: That is a different issue. Don't try to get out of this by changing the subject. Elayne: Why not? Bill: Because she's right. Women control this. If they control when we can get it, they ought to be able to control how they end up with it.

Melanie: Women need to be more selective about who they let in their bed and in their bodies. You need to say, "No, I don't think that you're going to be responsible." I can look back on two boyfriends that I've had. One I know that, whether he was legally bound to help me or not, that he would. He would be there from day one every step of the way. I have another boyfriend, the second I told him, he'd be on a plane to as far away as he could possibly get.

Elayne: What happened to the good guy? [ Laughter ] Melanie: But you have to be more selective. [ Applause ]

He wasn't as good as I thought. Elayne: This is a bitter woman. [ Talking over each other ]

Kevin: It's fine when we sit here and you rationalize this in this kind of environment. But when you put with sex, passion, lust and all these other things in the equation, both people are now --

I mean, now both people are not -- it's not -- Bill: But sex, passion and lust, somehow when a woman doesn't want to give it up, somehow they have great control over that. I mean, let's be honest. Kevin:

Well, not with me, but, I mean, you know. [ Laughter ] Elayne: I say we test it.

Bill: Yeah, typically gay response. [ Laughter ] But why does it work one way and not the other? I mean, that is my complaint with women is that they are inconsistent. They want it both ways.

Kevin: There's a survey that says that a lot of guys now who are holding off on sex. I mean, that's --

[ Bill blows raspberry ] [ Laughter ] It's true. It's true. Bill: We have to take a break for something more real --

a commercial. We'll be right back. [ Applause ]

Bill: All right. A reminder -- Friday is our "Real World" show with the Hawaii "Real World" cast. Okay. We're talking about whether women should be completely responsible for getting knocked up. And this is really what they call radical feminism. That sex is not something that happens to a woman, it's something that she chooses to have happen to her. And I don't understand why this is radical. Shouldn't this be --

Melanie: Well, I think it's viewed that way because people want -- it's one of those things that people want to say that it takes two people to make a child and that's why the man should have to pay for it. And I think that it does. It does take two people. But I think that you need to make that decision that you're not going to be with certain people that you think are not gonna be helpful in that situation.

That if you do get pregnant by that person, you need to be more selective.

You need to be more careful. It's the same thing as not engaging in activity -- not walking down a street -- [ Laughter ]

Elayne: Did you say sex happens to her? How passive are your dates? Bill: That's what -- no. That's traditional thinking. Is that, "Sex is something that happens to me, that's why I'm not responsible."

Elayne: Then what are you dating, 90-year-old women?

Bill: You're making our case for you then. Elayne: What? Bill: Because if you -- Elayne: Okay -- Bill: If you accept the fact that sex is not something that happens to you, it's something that you choose -- Elayne: It happens with you. Bill: But you choose it. Elayne: Does sex happen to a man? Bill: If you're lucky. Elayne: Yeah! That's what I'm -- that's what I'm saying. [ Laughter ]

That's my point. That's my point. You're making it sound like we're laying there and the toll bridge goes up, and they put a quarter in your ear and, you know, they get to come in. What are you doing? Bill: But we don't get pregnant. You gotta accept --

Melanie: That right there is my point, though, you're a willing participant in it. Elliott: I would like to get back to talking about animal guardianship. [ Cheers and applause ] Bill: That's what I meant,

Doc. What about rabbits getting pregnant? There's just too much of that. Elliott: I've been sitting here. This is kind of like going -- Bill: Talking about humans, Doc, what the hell is that all about? [ Laughter ]

Elliott: Again, I must admit, I came on this show to plant a seed, to give a message. Elayne: Again, he's planting a seed, he doesn't have to pay, right? [ Laughter ] Bill: That's what we're talking about, Doc, planting seeds. I'm glad you brought it up. Elliott: Okay. Again, the seed is people need to choose guardianship over ownership. [ Laughter ]

That's the seed. And I'd like some positive feedback from you. Come on. Bill: Doc -- Elliott: I've heard you say that you're on the side of people who -- Bill: Doc, I'm getting an award from PETA in about a week from Paul McCartney himself. [ Cheers and applause ] There's nobody on the case more for animals than me,

Doc. Elliott: Then I would love for to you think of yourself as a guardian of the next animal that you get. Bill: I am a guardian. I'm talking about the average person, Doc, who doesn't think of animals the way we do. You don't win over the people who you need to win over. You're preaching to the choir. Elliott: You set an example. Bill: You need to win him over.

Kevin: When you talk like that to a person that's not a complete activist -- Bill: That's right.

Kevin: -- I don't beat dogs with hammers or anything. Bill: Right.

Kevin: But there's a certain -- there's a certain -- [ Laughter ] It's, to me, it's when you turn on the religious channels and there's a lady with the blue hair and she's talking about religion, you go, "I don't want religion." Bill: That's right.

Kevin: "If that's religion, I don't want religion." Bill: Exactly. Kevin: That's what your point is to me. [ Applause ]

Bill: Very good. You're not gonna get the people who are thinking of kicking the dog and not thinking twice about it. Elliott: I'm not worried about the people who are kicking the dog. I'm worried -- Bill: Well, I am. Elliott: -- About the people who just, because the dog's a nuisance, will say, "Let's take it down to the shelter because we want it -- it's a nuisance." Bill: That's the same person.

Melanie: But if you constantly think that that person won't put that animal to sleep because they have to refer to themselves as a guardian -- Elayne: Look what they do to children. Elliott: But they have the responsibility. Melanie: I mean, they're guardians, they're parents, they're -- I mean, you look at the names on the -- Elliott: You're not giving enough credit.

Kevin: I care about dogs, but when they start walking into schools with handguns and shooting students, then I'll really worry about it. There's a lot more things in this world that I need to worry about.

Elayne: Well, they'll never do that that's why they're so wonderful. Bill: Yes. Thank you. We'll be right back. [ Applause ] Bill: All right. We're out of time. Be good to your pets. Right, Doc? No matter what you call them, be good to them. ©1999

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